A place to talk

A Long Time...

2006-07-18T03:53:00.000-07:00

It's such a long time since any of us added anything here yet lives move on.

Junior off to the convent. WB swamped by assignments and theology texts and new friendships blossoming. And me bumbling along trying to find my way.

My life feels chaotic and strangely on hold. It is another of those waiting times - waiting to hear about my future ministry (if I have one?). I wonder how many years of our lives we spend waiting. I think it must be quite a lot.

I feel God moving under the surface, laying foundations and planting seeds. Tending his lost sheep. I feel God working and I don't know where He is leading. I feel God working and I don't know if I am ready - ready for what? I feel God working and I want to run and hide, though a part of me wants to jump and sing an be lost in Exuberance for the workings and work of God.

Advent

2005-12-06T02:10:00.000-08:00

Here we are in another time of waiting. Waiting... waiting..... waiting.....

What are we waiting for? What are we looking forward to? 2006 is fas approaching and this will see many changes in our lives and our church. The arrival of our new leadership, the loss of Juniour (loss to us for a while but a big adventure into new beginnings for her).

Before the New Year, there is Christmas. What is that all about? Tinsell and chocolate and turkey and chocolate and baubles and did I mention the chocolate?

or

Friends and family and excitement and presents and love and joy and JESUS. Let's not forget Him or lose Him in the leftovers and the pretty paper.

Jesus is also waiting, waiting to break through into our lives in a whole new way. Not as a baby left to moulder in an ancient manger, forgotton and abandoned like the carcass of last years turkey. But as the Son of God, the Prince of Peace, Saviour and King. And as friend, brother, consoler.

Make room and let Him transform our waiting with His unending love.

We will watch, and wait, and write

2005-08-22T22:13:00.000-07:00

I’m in the mood to write – so I read (huh?)
I read through our blog – there are some powerful words there.
There are words of hope they are a bit buried but they are there.

We will watch, and wait, and write

We will watch as the world changes around us,
We will watch as the church stays the same
We will watch as hope is crushed
We will watch as the church stays silent
We will watch as life comes to a crashing end
We will watch as the church ….

We the church watch as we stay the same
We the church watch as hope is crushed
We the church watch as life …

Life in all it’s fullness
Life with all the cuts and bruises
Life with all the joy and laughter
Life in all of it’s horror and all of it’s glory

Hope crushed
Life crashing
Life staying the same?

I don’t think so
We will wait as the world changes around us
We will wait as the church stays the same
We will wait as hope is crushed
We will wait as the church stays silent
We will wait as life comes crashing to an end
We will wait as the church …

We will wait as the kingdom of God breaks through

We the church, watch and wait for the kingdom of God to break through

We are so busy watching and waiting
that we are missing the kingdom of God breaking through

If we saw it
Would we tell the world?
Would we write about it?
Or would we continue to watch and wait?
Saying in a hushed whisper to those who watch and wait with us “did you see it?”

We will watch, and wait, and write.

Silence

2005-05-13T15:08:00.000-07:00

They wanted a place to talk
But discovered silence
They wanted a place to talk
But discovered that talk hurt
They wanted a place to talk
But discovered they couldn’t handle the talk

The talk raised pain too intense that it drove them to silence
The talk made them question themselves in to silence
The talk was lost in the darkness of silence

They genuinely wanted to talk
friends at the same church
but in very different places in their own spiritual journey’s

They wanted a safe place to talk
A safe place to express hopes and dreams
A safe place to talk about faith and church

The talk raised fears too big to share
The talk found anger too deep to express
The talk was lost in the darkness of doubt

They wanted a place to talk
But discovered silence

they forgot the Yet!

2005-03-07T21:05:00.000-08:00

There is pattern in me
Well maybe it’s a rhythm as it’s made of sound, it’s made of words
I want to talk but it’s not just words that need to be said
But a sound to be made
A rhythm to be spoken

Where can you go when you are at the bottom of your pit
When there is no light
When it seems there will never be any light again

Do you give in?

After a week of wondering
Shall I give in,
Shall I just lay down in the dark and wither away
Decompose, dehydrate into a pile of dust
Dust to dust
Ashes to ashes
After a week I made a decision
A small decision
But nevertheless a decision.

I would survive.

Don’t know how.
Don’t even know why
I’ve been here before - curled up in the bottom of this pit
I can’t guarantee I’ll not be here again …
If anything I could probably guarantee that I will be here again.
I gave everything I had
Everything
Not just my skills, and gifts
Not just my joys and desires
Everything.
All of me
My doubts and fears as well – I faced them, I owned them and offered them as well
They took it all
threw it away – and said
“It’s not good enough, it’s not right, it’s not complete”
You’re not good enough
You’re not right
You’re not complete

Yet.. they forgot the yet
I’m not good enough yet
I’m not right yet
I’m not complete yet
None of us are.

I made a decision
A small decision
But nevertheless a decision.
I would survive.
Don’t know how
Don’t even know why

But I will.

“You did not choose me, I chose you”

2005-02-22T17:05:00.000-08:00

I need to listen to what I preach! From July 25th 2004

If we are chosen by God then what choice do we have?
If we were chosen before we were formed in our mothers womb then what choice do we have?
If we were chosen before the world was created
before time began than what choice do we have?

The only choice we have is how we respond to His call.

God created us –I believe he created us to share with Him his creation. To wonder with Him in the amazing things he has created.

To ponder in awe at the moon and the stars,
to breathe in the flavour of the seasons,
to feel the fresh morning dew beneath our feet,
to feel the invisible warmth of the sun,
to wonder at the majesty of the clouds,
how they can catch the sunlight at sunrise or sunset
and change the blue sky to beautiful gold’s, reds and purples,
to watch in amazement at ants that can move things
that are many times heavier than their own body weight,
to giggle at the hedgehog, or the pangolin as they curl up,
to watch with pride as our children start to take their first steps

I believe that he also created us to weep with him,
to struggle along side him
to try to help when see someone hurt or in pain
to weep when we have lost someone or something
to feel compassion for those near us and for those further away in distress
to survive the storm that surrounds us at times
to carry on breathing when the loneliness of the world wants to steal our breath
to continue to hope even if it’s just a glimmer when the darkness steals our dreams

I believe he created us to share with him.

That is what His call is

Come and share with me

Our choice is how we respond

Lent 2

2005-02-17T22:24:00.000-08:00

If faith is about becoming the me God created me to be
If faith is about becoming more Wendy
then Lent is ….

Lent was traditionally a time of preparation for baptism.
A time or preparation for eternal life something so much better than now
So I am beginning to see lent as a process through which I need to go.
A process that at the end of it I am one step further forward,
One step “better” than I am now
One unit of measure of Faith more like the Wendy God created me to be

How am I doing that … not sure
Though there is some reassessing of my roles in life
Some reassessing of my values.
I’d like to say reassessing of my own innate worth as a sacred child of the creator but a quick glance in that general direction is all that I can manage at the moment.

I have given nothing up for lent… I have given up too much in the past year
I have taken nothing very specific up for lent … I have taken too much to heart in the past year.

I am trying (on occasion) to just be before God.
Face down is all I can mange there is no strength in me, anger, arrogance, fear, hatred, loathing but no strength.

There is breath
There is life
And buried deep down there is hope

Hope of being able to be before God more
Of being able to love Him a bit
Of being able to let him love me (just a tinsy winsy bit)
Of being able to see myslef as a sacred child of God most high

Lent

2005-02-16T02:13:00.000-08:00

Lent is a time for re-assessing ones spiritual journey, a time to take ourselves into the wilderness and experience total dependancy on God. It's not just about giving things up, though some kind of fasting can be a part of it. Lent is a time to re-ground ourselves in God's phenomonal love and graciousness. A time to remember what is really important.

It's about looking at ourselves in an honest way - not in order to condemn but to grow and change. It's a chance to look at the bits that are not right and do something about them. There is also space to celebrate the good in us.

It is a time of preparation in readiness to experience the death and resurrection in some small way in ourselves. A reminder that in Christ we are dead to sin and alive in Him.

It may not be a comfortable time - Jesus was not comfortable in the desert - so we should expect to be challanged and shaken up a little. But we have the hope of the resurrection to look forward to and the coming of the Son.

Keep kicking the darkness until it bleeds light.

A grounded life

2005-02-11T08:45:00.000-08:00

I found the following on a website so I am not going to take any credit for it. Tim Hughes wrote this and though it isn't the whole article I thought some of this is a interesting comments on Worship

"Have you ever sung this song in church?

"he has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light; indeed he has turned his hand against me again and again all day long...He has broken my teeth with gravel; he has trampled me in the dust." (Lamentations 3:2-3; 16)

.....

A quick glance through the Psalms and many other books in the bible reveals so much pain and lament. Cries of despair and suffering continually offered up to God. This begs the question: have we lost the place for worship and lament in the Church?

.....

We need a bigger picture of what worship is. Questioning God doesn't mean we are disobeying him. Expressing doubt doesn't mean we are lacking faith. In our everyday living, the people we're most likely to share our deepest fears and questionswith are those we most love and trust. It's an intimate thing to be honest and raw with someone. It's actually something that draws you closer to a friend. Expressing anger and pain in worship can actually be a beautiful intimate thing. Again as Dan Allender says 'Lament cuts through insincerity, strips pretence and reveals the raw nerve of trust that angrily approaches the throne of grace and then kneels in awed, robust wonder.'

.....
In lamentation the bitter cry ends with lines of hope and trust:

"Yet this I call to mind and therfore I have hope: becuase of the Lord's great love we are not consumed for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your fathfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23.

....

It's easy to praise when everything is going to plan. It's more of a challenge when everything around us is falling to pieces. it takes great faith to say "You are good" when life is incredibly hard. But God is good and forever worthy of our praise. it's not dependent on our feelings. Day and night, always the same, God deserves our highest praise.

Tim Hughes 7/12/04

I liked the above passage. I think there is a place for pain in the church because God knows the Diocese is causing enough. But we forget to turn to God and just rest in His goodness and mercy and draw strength from Him. We all do it and it's become a bad habit that needs correcting.

Why?

2005-01-18T09:22:00.000-08:00

Why does the thought of attending church fill me with dread?

Why has the diocese abandoned R****d?

Why do we continue to hope for a hopeless situation?

Why am I so depressed by it all?

Because ...

2005-01-10T18:53:00.000-08:00

Basically because I'm exhausted and therfore when I am at home I tend to be sleeping at the moment and don't have much brain power for anything else!
I have only just got home from work - still have my coat on ...

And my computer broke for a while but it's fixed now .... well mostly.

Why did we want to talk? What do you want to talk about?

A colleague said to me today that he went to church but he was pretty sure God didn't. I realised that I thought God was there on sunday but he either had his head in his hands or was rolling around the floor laughing.

Mmmm

2005-01-07T09:53:00.000-08:00

If this is a place to talk and a place to find out what being church is all about - why are we so quiet?

Advent

2004-12-04T20:16:00.000-08:00

Advent is often seen as a time of waiting and preparation. We await the Christmas season and prepare our hearts and minds to receive again the indescribable gift of the incarnation of God as a helpless infant. The Word made flesh dwelling among us. It is a serious and solemn time but also a time of celebration and joy.

In our inner city parish we also wait. We wait for the powers to be to make the decisions that will decide and shape our future. We await the arrival (or not) of a priest to lead us and encourage us, to take us forward and to help bear our burdens. We wait and prepare and struggle along unsure of the outcome not knowing where our waiting will take us.

In Advent the outcome is certain - Christmas morning will come and will we be ready? Will the food and presents be bought. Will the guests be invited? And what of the guest of honour? Will there be room for Him in our celebrations?

Whatever is happening in our lives and our churches the most important thing about Advent is finding room for Jesus in our lives, our churches and our celebrations. Jesus will come even if a priest for our church does not.

"Being Church"

2004-12-04T20:05:00.000-08:00

I'm intrigued by the idea of "being church" in a virtual environment?

What does "being church" mean (in any context)?.

1st time

2004-12-04T04:55:00.000-08:00

So I'm here! remember I'm new at this so I haven't a clue what I'm doing. Be gentle with me! I hope this works.

Thoughts....

2004-12-03T20:59:00.000-08:00

So what is this all about. I'm not sure that any of us know.

Maybe this will be our place to 'be church' or a place to leave our frustrations or a place to leave our hopes and fears. Or perhaps just a place to learn.

We wil watch and wait and write!

In the begining

2004-12-01T09:35:00.000-08:00

was

a place to talk
an idea
a desire to communicate
the chance of change in many places